Artificial Ensimination

On the occasion of the launch of Ensim's ServerXchange 1.6, January 2000: "Go forth and Ensiminate."

You have heard the vision from our new chief executive. You have heard our founders' insight into the road ahead. Now, last, and may I say without any fear of contradiction, definitely least -- it is time for the Marketing Department to offer their contribution to the Ensim vision for the new millennium.

I know several of you have already guessed at our marketing strategy. You figured that the new name for the product, ServerXchange, is itself a hint of our new direction because the deletion of just one syllable gives you SeXchange. I would prefer not to get sidetracked into discussions of the precise number of syllables that must be deleted. However, I grant you, that it does go some way to explain why, in a company as small as ours, we have such a high concentration of doctors. It also offers some insight into the exact nature of the operation in "OpCenter."

But ours is a vision that transcends mere genderal transformation. We, in marketing, have observed recently that Engineers in the Valley have begun to outsource their social lives. Look about, the evidence surrounds you. Given that this trend has started we want Ensim to capture the next wave, the wave that must surely follow -- the outsourcing of sex itself.

Think about it. Ensim has a lot to offer in this market. The traditional distribution channel for this product requires a lengthy license agreement and once the shrink wrap is removed it is extremely difficult to return the product should it fail to deliver complete satisfaction. This is clearly a service in which the rental model can be applied to considerable advantage. Pay as you go -- there when you need it -- yet without all of the tedious overheads of maintaining it yourself. No need to perform the installation yourself, and you can upgrade whenever you wish without any of the usual legal hassles.

Furthermore, in Ensim we can guarantee quality of service. We can also offer you your own Private Server, fully isolated from any others -- features that our initial investigations show to be very popular in similar markets.

We plan to market the product as a set of service suites. To satisfy those with modest requirements we have the Economy Suite. For customers with more pressing needs we offer the Penthouse Suite. And for those special customers with truly insatiable demands we have the Presidential Suite. We will of course manage all dependencies. This is particularly important for the Presidential Suite where it is essential to minimize intern'l conflicts.

In the light of these substantial enhancements to our product line we have decided to introduce a new marketing term. From now on, the installation of the Ensim virtualization layer will be known as, "Artificial Ensimination."

Such a radical product is clearly going to need thorough testing. So, in the Q A Department at our new facility, we shall shortly be installing a new Test Bed. This will allow us to exhaustively test the product with all the energy of our dedicated team of young professionals. At this opportunity I would like to thank all of the engineers who have offered their services to the Q A Department, so willingly, and so often. And I would particularly like to thank those who have offered to take up new positions in testing.

One cannot introduce a revolutionary product like this without ensuring adequate performance. So to this end we have made an extensive study in the matter of hardware sizing. No doubt you will all be relieved to hear that the size of one's hard drive has no effect upon performance. However, attempts to deploy the product with a floppy drive are liable to meet with disappointment.

The Senior Management has given serious thought to our proposal and I am glad to say that after extensive consideration of the product the Senior Management's members have raised.

A new round of funding. Er... sorry, "...the Senior Management's members have raised a new round of funding."

And finally a word of appreciation to our Finance and Admin Department, who by their unfailing attention to detail have prevented the squeezing of our bottom.

Line. Er..., "...the squeezing of our bottom line."

So let us raise another glass to our increasingly blurry vision and propose the Ensim toast: "Go forth and Ensiminate the computers of the world with your Private Servers."